Why, hello there. While you likely recognize my visage from my rather public presence in the expanses of my home, I believe I have been an exceedingly poor host. Allow me to introduce myself. My full name is Marlowe Edmund Blackwell VI. However, I am constantly referred to by substantially less distinguished titles such as “The Ape,” “The Gorilla,” or a number of others that fail to befit my station. Despite the insolence present in these appellations, I have grown accustomed and perhaps somewhat attached to the former designation, though I’d prefer M.E.B. Ape. One must maintain some semblance of one’s stratum, you know.
Despite my silence throughout the previous goings-on throughout my domain, my insight has been requested (at long last, I may add) for the purposes of a novel variety of periodical commentary concerning particular compositions throughout the musical spectrum. While I would much rather prefer to enjoy the performances of my private musicians, I am able to grasp the conception of why others might gain satisfaction from mere recordings, and have even myself begun to indulge in a selection of recorded albums when my players are resting. These writings will serve to express judgments on the merits of certain works, in bijou sextets of thought.
In my time, I have extolled the beauty of violins to my compatriots rather extensively. However, the manner in which the instrument is employed by Yellowcard is significantly more contemporary than my experience knows. Regardless, I have managed to find a manner of evaluating these sounds, and you may find this assessment below, accompanied by those of a variety of my tenants. I hope these evaluations find you well, and that future iterations of this column will do the same. Good day.
Jacob Testa – Good, but overhyped album. Cool violins.
Jason Gardner – Violins have never rocked this hard.
Dylan Powell – Eight full-lengths and still fucking delivering.
Jack Appleby – Veteran songwriting makes Southern Air shine.
Tim Dodderidge – An intimately written, cathartic pop-punk album.
Scott McClellan – Yellowcard dispels my hatred for summer.
John Frazier – I’d give it a red card.
Eric Schulz – Anthems nobody wants to hear anymore.