I’ll be the first to admit I know nothing about pop culture. Last week’s Twitter rant for me was about certain metal bands’ insistence on taking Satanism seriously.
But from what I understand there’s a contest show on television called “The Voice” that I have been neglecting for seasons because I neither understand the drama of Broadway singers nor do I think previously recorded artists (yeah you, Dia Frampton) should be allowed to compete.
This is all true – that is, until I saw this character Blake Shelton. Whether or not “The Voice” is your thing, hear me out on my pitch.
Let’s go back to Twitter. So I got an idea it would be fun to start following Blake Shelton. Most of his Tweets were making fun of guys who wear tight pants or encourage bad behavior with “atta girl!” One such Tweet from August 2 was, “Reminder to each and every one of you today… Take. No. Shit.”
At this point you’re sitting there saying, “but he’s a country artist.” Yeah I know, but this guy’s a punk. Coin it – lewd, crude, and rude. It’s my personal thought that you should never trust anyone who wasn’t a punk…or a rebel.
This is my theory I’ve been working on for a long time. Johnny Cash was America’s first metalhead: he wore all black, destroyed hotel rooms, left the love of his life, drank a gargantuan amount of alcohol and played in prisons. And what did he tell country music organizations, the media, and the public about all of it? Well, he gave them the middle finger.
Hell, even Hank Williams III (the grandson) is an actual patch-jacket metalhead. Further proof: that Pantera side-project with David Allan Coe, Rebel Meets Rebel.
As far as “The Voice” is concerned, do you have a better choice of a judge/coach to support?
- That Dr. Evil look-alike with the fluffy white cat (which by the way has its own Twitter and a Meow Mix remix)?
- That mean poptart cheerleader that you wish got written into a Stephen King novel?
- That dude that may weigh 100 pounds with a v-neck shirt? The great Andy Levy, ombudsman for “Red Eye,” once said that Maroon 5 “makes Coldplay seem edgy.”
- Or that Southerner who is probably sippin’ on Jack while critiquing? Yes, choose him. One can wonder if it’s a gimmick much like how I wondered about the Satanism stunts. Do these Hot Topic bands go around with a copy of LeVey in their pocket? I doubt it. Does this guy, Shelton, make fun of people relentlessly for show? I don’t think so as I get the sense this is just who he is.
It’s being reported that NBC will be replacing the judges on the spring show. Guess who is staying? While Christina Aguilera and CeeLo Green seem to be moving on, Shelton and his number one target Adam Levine will still be there.
Maybe I like Cattle Decapitation and my wardrobe has been the same since I was 13. But what I think we’ve learned here people, is metal and country are somehow the related bastard child genres of American culture. Despite country’s obvious differences – out of pop, hip-hop, and mom rock that the judges represent – country is the closest thing to metal. Lots of metalheads, uh, we wore all black, destroyed hotel rooms and drank a gargantuan amount of alcohol, all while blazing both middle fingers.
It’s not like Rob Zombie is ever going to be a judge (oh, imagine the hate mail). Until then, I’m quite comfortable with supporting Blake Shelton.