The rant starts out like this:
Lars Ulrich, drummer of Metallica, basically says the metal community is up its own ass. This little tidbit obviously became the news of the day for metal sites. In sight of this, what he actually says in an interview with Maxim is, “I sometimes think that the metal community is just so fucking serious and up its own ass.”
You know things are bad if Ulrich has to say this despite his passion of not wearing shoes and still giving a hoot about illegal downloading.
The thing is though, Ulrich is right. We’re talking about a genre of music with over 30 strict sub-genres yet no actual definition of what some really are. Soon we’ll need sub-sub-genres.
Now even as metalheads can be the utmost dumbasses about which bands they enjoy, somehow they will shell out mass amounts of money on bands. Whether it is a total piece of crap production of some underground black metal featuring one note for six solid minutes or a petty jewel case, at least we consistently buy records. Apparently record labels take notice too as Universal Republic allegedly gave doom metal band Ghost a $750,000 advance. They are Swedish Satanists who play onstage in costumes (talk about giving money to people they don’t even know). Please, raise your hand if you think Universal Republic will recoup that money. Oh, nobody? But the first word is sellout and it shouldn’t be. Say what you will about Ulrich but I remember he played on Kill ‘Em All.
Maybe metal has always had its head up its ass. Some examples:
-Norwegian black metal. Like I get it, you’re pagans, but do we honestly have to take it to the extent of burning down churches? Stabbing your best friend to death then complain about being lonely?
-Hardcore ethos. Long feminist poetry and veganism are determined: good. Drugs and alcohol are determined: bad. Except all I notice is you all sit around and play video games while drinking Red Bull. Somehow this doesn’t corrode your brain like those terrible vices would.
-The amount of rules there are about lacing Doc Martins.
Meanwhile this ass behavior is plaguing even the godfathers of metal, Black Sabbath. As the reunited group doesn’t/didn’t include drummer Bill Ward in the gigs, he was Photoshopped out of the photos on the band’s website. It was later in a released statement saying Ward asked to be removed as to “not have the wrong impression about his involvement” in the band. Oh, this is the Soviet Union? Allow me to edit history- dasvidaniya.
Look, I admit I’m a cog in the machine. A few weeks ago at a show, this guy in a bro-tank keeps shouting to my friend and me about God Forbid and their brutality. We’re standing there wearing Venom and Bathory t-shirts, okay? Good luck getting through to us.
And speaking of laying down your soul to the gods of rock and roll… Indeed there are days I struggle with the fact I have to share space with Tenacious D and Marilyn Manson, as they may in fact be taking this seriously. Gojira has to open for the cartoon Dethklok straight out of the show Metalocalypse. And let alone the whole reason for this rant is made by a guy who played on Lulu (Never forget. R.I.P.: my sanity).
Here’s the thing: the metal community does have its head up its ass. It’s just way too often that the passion of the love of metal is misconstrued as being, well, a prick. Let’s laugh more and call ourselves out. Otherwise, you’ll be living in the basement forever.