It’s Christmas and you know what that means! Strung up white lights around the windows, Christmas trees in their rightful place in a corner of the living room, and happy couples cozying up on the couch with some hot chocolate. But then there’s the real MVPs of Christmastime: those that sit bitterly in front of their computer staring at the happy couples listening to songs like this, and these are just the MEB staff’s top ten favorites.
10) 30 Days – NeverShoutNever
Everyone knows this song as your stereotypical “one month before Christmas” depressingly relatable Facebook status. I’m not going to lie, I do it too. At this point, we all just embrace it. Some jingle bells and a pleasant acoustic guitar make this song fit on the top, sorry it’s not your average “pop-punk sound.” This heartbreaking tune will bring the feels straight to your heart and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
30 days til Christmas and all I know
Is I’m not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show
9) I Won’t Be Home For Christmas – Blink-182
To be frank, when does Blink-182 ever disappoint? Though this song topped charts in Canada more than it did in the US, this Christmas tune follows a man that snaps at a group of carolers and attacks them. While a lot of holiday songs are mellow and beautiful sounding, Blink rings true to their pop-punk sound since 1997 when the song originally came out. They’ve been a powerhouse band since forever and Christmas songs are no different.
It’s Christmas time again
It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand all year
I’m growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
8) Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass – All Time Low
As much as this song is the epitome of every unhappy Christmas goer, what in the world is this video? A puppet reminiscing about a summer romance to which he just continuously groans. To be fair, though, summer romances are the hardest to get over – they’re short, sweet, and usually nothing dramatic. Until winter comes along, that is. Unfortunately for this video, it doesn’t end the way the bonus track on the CD does: with a slight dedication, I guess you could say, to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (“Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah.”)
So sick of calling,
You won’t telephone me,
No, fuck you girl, I’m going out.
I gave you my all,
But our love hit a wall, now,
I’m jingle belling,
And everyone’s yelling,
We’ll drink ’til the bars shut us down.
7) The Lights And Buzz – Jack’s Mannequin
As a song heavily influenced on his recovery from leukemia in late 2005, this catchy tune comments on spending Christmas in an endless summer, but that it’s good to be alive. Hypnotizing and beautiful, Andrew McMahon’s voice flows perfectly with the sounds of piano. Though it’s not very much a Christmas song, it’s still considered one to us, so well done Jack’s Mannequin.
It’s Christmas in California
And it’s hard to ignore that it feels like summer all the time
6) My Christmas List – Simple Plan
As a holiday pop-punk favorite that was featured in the 2006 movie “Unaccompanied Minors,” anyone who knows nothing but the chorus can blast the speakers out of their car and sing at the top of their lungs. This song – for all those bitter holiday bums – is fun, plain and simple. The band expresses their wants for materialistic “things” – I mean, come on, a girl in their bed and a life; who can actually get that under a tree? – and just living their life as any kid would. This song is young, fresh, and a must every Christmas season – even though it came out in 2002.
‘Cause now it’s Christmas
And I want everything
I just can’t wait
Christmas, so don’t stop spending
I want a million gifts, that’s right
Don’t forget my Christmas list tonight
‘Cause now it’s Christmas
5) Fool’s Holiday – All Time Low
With a few years in between that good ol’ Christmas bonus track from “Dirty Work” and this, the two songs sound completely and utterly different. “Fool’s Holiday” has that festive instrumental that makes the song feel more like a holiday song, even though the beat of the lyrics are quite slow. No doubt about this though, All Time Low knows how to make a catchy song to where the replay button is constantly hit. The lyrics are also not so much bitter if you think about it; they’re sweet and dedicated to a girl that can’t make up her mind. ATL’s got this holiday thing in the bag and I surely hope they make more.
I swear that I’m more than just broken promises,
decorations can change like tinsel and ribbon so
Do not open ’til you’ve got forever to spend
with me on a fool’s holiday
4) Ho Ho Hopefully – The Maine
“Ho Ho Hopefully” pinches heartstrings and pummels you to the ground. Soft and delicate a beat, the lyrics make you think hard about the holiday season. It’s real, being away from the one you most want to be with for Christmas is quite difficult. This song is depressing for another reason; instead of being bitter about losing a romance, John O’Callaghan just wants to be with the love of his life. I appreciate songs like this during the holidays. I guess love songs aren’t dead, though it did come out in 2008.
Ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that
We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be
And we’re ho ho hoping that
We all come back and as a matter of fact I know
We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be
Together by this Christmas tree
3) Christmas At 22 – The Wonder Years
Christmas at college almost never exists, but that’s what makes “Christmas At 22” special because it explains college holidays. Closing bars and driving drunk friends home that haven’t changed in the years you’ve known them. You’ll take typical “unimpressed” roommate family Christmas card photos for your Instagram – I would know, I have plenty with my senior year roommates. It’s not so much a holiday except there’s some strung lights and a fake Christmas tree, it’s an everyday college adventure. But, that is what Christmas at 22 is and I will never regret my college year holidays.
We’ll find a house party when the bars close.
We’ll never spend the holidays alone.
Proving once again that there’s a reason my friends
still tend to call this place home.
2) Yule Shoot Your Eye Out – Fall Out Boy
This. This right here is your classic bitter and angst-y pop-punk Christmas song that’s a must to listen to every year – and it’s also my usual Christmas Eve Instagram caption. Fall Out Boy, in general, are spiteful in their lyrics (“Two hopes you cry yourself to sleep staying up waiting by the phone”). There have been many times where couples have broken up right before Christmas, bringing on the feeling of misery and emotional turbulence for the holiday. However, there’s still a little happiness to the song. The sleigh bells at the beginning have to count for some cheer during the holiday. But no matter what, “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” will always be a holiday favorite.
Don’t come home for Christmas
You’re the last thing I wanna see
Underneath the tree
Merry Christmas, I could care less
1) Happy Holidays, You Bastard – Blink-182
Welp. I’ve lied. This is the staple of bitter pop-punk songs to listen to during the holiday season. 45 seconds of pure Christmas hate makes me appreciate everything Blink-182 has done with their short and almost always looked over even though they’re the best songs. They’ve done it again and I can’t stop laughing. “Happy Holidays, You Bastard” has earned its’ right as the number one spot on this Top 10 list. I’m proud to say I grew up with this generation (and if I could put the ‘okay’ emoji right now, I would).
It`s Christmas Eve and I’ve only wrapped two fuckin’ presents
And I hate, hate, hate your guts.